MoonBeams
by Marina R
Summary: Alternate Universe. Buffy is vamped and the First is coming to town. Set three years after season 5 ... I rewrote the finale so ... yea! All will be reveale din due time ...
1. MoonBeams: Musings

Part 1  
The moon was orange. It's rays falling on the pale sand delicately, without any hurry or urgency. As if there was always enough time for it to cover the earth. As if the day never existed and the night was eternity. The black waves crashed against the shore repeatedly, white foam reflecting the glass stars. She sat in the cool sand that flowed through her fingers like silt and cried. Her clear tears hit the soft sand and broke into pieces, seeping into the sand that sifted through her hands as she traced circles and squares and nameless patterns of old. Patterns of a time long forgotten when demons roamed the earth freely and Slayers were non-existent. When man was no more that a monkey and the people sacrificed virgins to their gods.   
She'd never lived those times but she remembered them clearly. They flowed through her blood like a battle cry. Like the blood of her kind before her. Who stalked the night in animal fur and silks and war paints. Who lived in the America, Ancient Rome, Greece, England, Africa, China, and Japan. Who only knew the hunt and the kill and the pains of life. Who died alone and painfully amidst demons and nightmares and superstitions that the modern world ignored and the ancient ones kept secret. Who were young girls, women, daughters and Slayers. They all flowed through her.   
It was at times like these, when she lay naked among the sand and water and moonbeams, that she could feel their essence . . . hear their whispers. Over an eternity of lives that had died out so that she could be called, could be Slayer. She had died so that others could carry that mighty title, that flame which sputtered and died and was never strong except in battle. She'd seen those who came after her die and embrace evil . . . she'd seen them crack and fail and die. She'd seen them be powerful and strong and beautiful and still die. She'd seen them die. They all died. She didn't die.   
Thirty years now since they had buried her body and she still continued on, stalking the demons that had turned her and stolen whatever shred of innocence remained. Turning around in the sand she could feel it slip into the crevices of her body and slid through her hair. Before her the water beckoned, smooth and rippling. Dark and dangerous. Sliding into its coolness she could feel it envelop her, sheath her body and soul until she was under it so far that there was no coming back. It wasn't like she needed to breathe.   
The murky depths of the ocean were green and black at once. Alive with creatures that instinctively avoided her as she ventured further. Past long lost articles and secret entities. Past the unknown dangers that subconsciously haunted man every time he ventured out onto the primal sea. She could feel herself sinking but it didn't matter. The water was still cold and she still didn't need to breathe. Stopping her tracks she looked back at the dim horizon, at the dark shapes swirling in the water above her. Smiling ferally she moved back, out of the embrace of the ocean, towards the oblivious humans above. Time to play shark.   



	2. MoonBeams: The Introduction

Part 2  
They lay entwined on the sand. Shrunken bodies still close together, beads of moisture dotting their pale skin, their faces lax and smooth. She stared at them, idly entwining pink sea flowers into the girls long brown hair, humming as she worked. Looking up she stared at the woman in front of her who also sat naked on the sand, watching her as she worked.  
"Who are you," her voice was calm and indifferent with a hint of danger but the woman never flinched. She merely threw back her head and laughed, her long, full, black hair falling down at her sides beside her, her dark purple eyes dancing,  
"I have many names," she replied in a thick, rich voice.   
"And," Buffy returned to her work, "Who are you?"  
Cocking a delicate eyebrow the stranger stared at her a moment longer before laying into the sand and staring at the empty sky, "You may call me the Moon."  
"The moon," she said contemptuously, "But the moon is in the sky."  
"Is it," the woman motioned towards the spot where the ghostly orb had once been, "Take a second look, ma Cherie."  
Buffy glanced up at the dark sky, at the blank gap and then back at the woman, "So. You're the moon."  
The woman laughed again before turning around and propping herself up on her elbows, "I've been watching you Slayer. Night after night you come here. But I've never seen you kill before."  
"That's because I never have," dropping the dead woman's hair she stared at Moon, "I've always been such a good little girl."  
"Yes," the moon said seriously, "you have. Which is why I wonder what's changed Slayer? Who the lust for the kill now?"  
Shrugging Buffy began pulling on her clothes, "The sun's coming up soon."  
"He's coming," the Moon said quickly," and you have to trust him."  
"Who's coming," she said, pulling on her black top over bare breasts.  
"A warrior," the moon said before standing and looking out at the sea, "He'll help you fight the First, Buffy. You can't do it alone."  
"I don't need anybody," her voice was stiff as she stared out across the water before turning away and melting into the night.   



	3. MoonBeams: Just Once

Part 2  
They lay entwined on the sand. Shrunken bodies still close together, beads of moisture dotting their pale skin, their faces lax and smooth. She stared at them, idly entwining pink sea flowers into the girls long brown hair, humming as she worked. Looking up she stared at the woman in front of her who also sat naked on the sand, watching her as she worked.  
"Who are you," her voice was calm and indifferent with a hint of danger but the woman never flinched. She merely threw back her head and laughed, her long, full, black hair falling down at her sides beside her, her dark purple eyes dancing,  
"I have many names," she replied in a thick, rich voice.   
"And," Buffy returned to her work, "Who are you?"  
Cocking a delicate eyebrow the stranger stared at her a moment longer before laying into the sand and staring at the empty sky, "You may call me the Moon."  
"The moon," she said contemptuously, "But the moon is in the sky."  
"Is it," the woman motioned towards the spot where the ghostly orb had once been, "Take a second look, ma Cherie."  
Buffy glanced up at the dark sky, at the blank gap and then back at the woman, "So. You're the moon."  
The woman laughed again before turning around and propping herself up on her elbows, "I've been watching you Slayer. Night after night you come here. But I've never seen you kill before."  
"That's because I never have," dropping the dead woman's hair she stared at Moon, "I've always been such a good little girl."  
"Yes," the moon said seriously, "you have. Which is why I wonder what's changed Slayer? Who the lust for the kill now?"  
Shrugging Buffy began pulling on her clothes, "The sun's coming up soon."  
"He's coming," the Moon said quickly," and you have to trust him."  
"Who's coming," she said, pulling on her black top over bare breasts.  
"A warrior," the moon said before standing and looking out at the sea, "He'll help you fight the First, Buffy. You can't do it alone."  
"I don't need anybody," her voice was stiff as she stared out across the water before turning away and melting into the night.   



	4. Moonbeams: Deception

Part 4  
The streets were slick with rain and mud, slopping beneath his shoes and coating them thinly. The moon shone down on him, full and round it's stoic face following his every move. Watching. Waiting. His hair was damp from the moist air as he whistled throughout the dark streets. Up ahead his apartment loomed into view, the gray paint contrasting with the deep purple sky. It was coming. Stepping into the building he stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking up at the glaring light that peered down at him from the florescent lamp above.   
The door creaked open to reveal his empty room, the bed unmade and strewn with clothes. Tossing the pile on the floor he stretched out full length and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. Balancing it between his lips he stared over at the corner, which was awash in darkness. Flicking open his light he lit the cigarette and took a deep draw before taking it out of his mouth and clearing his throat.   
"Why don't you come out," he said staring at the figure as she moved out of the shadows. Her short cut black hair curled slightly around her shoulders, her large brown eyes narrowing at the site of him.  
"Ah," he said with a laugh, "Jenny. How good of you to join me. Heard you were coming by."  
"You," she spat defensively, her eyes going black as her voice splurged forth in a force of power, "You were to kill the girl."  
He shrugged indifferently. Taking another drag on the cigarette he looked up at her with a sardonic smile on his face, "Yea, well ... fucking her was much better."   
Jenny's gaze narrowed further as she approached him, sake poised," I should have done this-"  
"Done what?" Smashing out his cigarette, he grabbed the arm holding the stake and forced it behind her back, pinning her thin frame against his. Sniffing her hair, he kissed down her chin to the pulse point over the jugular, " I can feel you Jenny. How much you want me. How much you want this." Bending down he vamped down and brought his mouth against her neck, kissing the jugular point lightly before biting.   
She moaned against him, her hand dropping the stake as she clutched for his head, bringing him closer, deepening the bite. She could feel the cool trail of her blood down her back, the hard imprints of his fingers as he undid her skirt, the harder feeling of his body pressed up against her. She felt his teeth withdraw as he hastily pulled up her top, exposing her naked breasts to the cold air. She shivered slightly as he took one in his mouth, biting hard enough to draw blood before pulling away and pushing her down onto the bed. Growling he crawled on top of her, his shirt half open as she unzipped his pants and pulled him down for a brutal kiss. 


	5. MoonBeams: Deja vu

Part 5  
"Angel," her voice was quiet as she sat up in the dark room, the sheet falling off her body as she scanned the dark corners for him.  
"He is not here, mon petit," came a thick voice from beside her in the bed, "He left some time ago, in fact."  
"How long," she said dully, her senses numb.  
"Years."  
"Liar," she said automatically, letting the sheets fall completely from her nude body as she walked over to the lighted candles and blew them out, "He was here earlier today."  
The moon sighed and came behind the Slayer, wrapping her arms tightly around the other girl's waist, "Things . things are not always as we would have them seen. Sometimes . people are like that too."  
Buffy pulled out of the warm circle of the woman's arms, biting her lower lip to keep from crying, her Hazel eyes blazing, "Don't you think I know that! Don't you think after seeing everyone turn away from me, having Him betray me, that I wouldn't know that! I'm not some stupid little schoolgirl."  
"Then don't act like it."   
Buffy turned away, crossing her arms over her chest as the tears began to fall. "It's just that . I thought . maybe this time, y'know? I used to love him so much."  
"Used to," the moon said smiling, her long back hair covering her breasts as her arms encircled Buffy again, tugging her back to the bed, "There's something I have to show you, and there's not much time. The sun will be up soon."  
"What is it, " she said, letting the moon's hair glide across her bare skin.  
"Lie down and close your eyes," Buffy complied easily, laying against the cool sheets, letting the Moon trail cool kisses up her body, towards her mouth, "Trust me." Placing her mouth over the Slayer's the Moon, rubbed her hands over the girl's body as they began to glow softly with a pale light. 


	6. Moonbeams: Revelations

Part 6   
Author's Note: Dream Sequence. Song is "I Only Have Eyes" for you by The Flamingos  
  
"My love must be a kind of blind love  
I can't see anyone but you ."  
The room was cold and empty when she opened her eyes. These weren't her blankets and it wasn't her bed. Wrapping the heavy red satin blankets around her body, she rose slowly from the bed and ventured further into the dark apartment, up ahead a long looking glass balanced against the wall, offering a small gleam of light as it reflected the darkness. Approaching it cautiously she touch it with her hand, feeling it ripple beneath her skin like the dark ocean water. Looking around her surroundings once more she stepped through the mirror, into the dark black substance that coated her limbs and hair and seeped through her pores until it filled her as she continued deeper.   
"De bop de bop  
De bop de bop ."  
Sliding out of the mirror she emerged on the other side of a wall. The room was dimly lit by moonlight that seeped in through heavily curtained windows. Walking forwards into the darkness she was made aware of the sounds of moaning coming from the bed against the wall. Before her two figures writhed on the bed, sweat coating their skin as his pale hand tousled by her black hair, while yet another hand ran it's cool fingers down the golden skin of the woman beneath them.   
"Angel." His brown eyes met her hazel ones a sadistic smile on his face as the woman beneath him sat up in the bed, her brown eyes turning black.   
"Jenny," Buffy's mouthed the words without speaking frozen in spot as the couple looked at her before turning back to each other and sharing a brutal kiss that left Jenny's mouth bloodied. Turning away from the site of them clinging to each other she looked back for the mirror only to find it gone, a hallway in it's stead.   
"Are the stars out tonight?  
De bop de bop  
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright ."  
Her feet padded against the carpeted hallway as she ran away from the room, their laughter ringing in her ears. On either side of her large marble doors loomed, faces poking out of them to gaze at her as she ran. Small stone hands grappled at her, trying to pull her down, into the dark abyss that ate up the floor behind her. Dropping the heavy velvet cover and the hands that clutched at it she continued down the dark hallway, towards the figure that stood calm at the end. Tripping she hit the floor hard as it faltered between rich crimson carpet and trampled earth. Standing again she felt the hands receding from her, the flash of blond hair and black leather weaving in and out of the fallen limbs, to fast for her to see.   
"I only have eyes for you  
Dear  
De bop de bop ."  
Bursting through the light she landed on the ground, panting amidst the moist earth and cool grass. She could hear the soft sounds of feet approaching her, felt the cool body as it lay beside her, staring up at the sky.  
"You know, luv," he said casually, a cigarette hanging limply from his mouth, "This isn't over yet. You can't just lose yourself in some meadow and pretend it's all goin' to be alright. This meadow, " he gestured grandly towards the space around them, "Isn't even real."  
"Then what is," she turned to face him and his eyes grew dark, grabbing her hand he pulled her up so that she could see straight up before her, and the stones that rested there. Walking forward she stooped down beside the stones, tracing their u-shape with her cool hands.   
"Read them, Slayer," he said, placing his hand on her bare shoulder.   
She looked up at him and shivered, pulling the long white dress closer around her, "I don't want to."  
"Sometimes, luv," he said gently, picking up a stone and handing it to her, "We all have to see the things we don't."  
"The moon may be high  
De bop de bop  
But I can't see a thing in the sky ."  
"Why," she turned back to him, only to find him gone. Turning back to the stones she squinted against the hot desert sun and the sand that swirled around her. Before her she could see the stones sinking into the sand. Reaching out blindly against the sand storm she tried to grab for them but failed, falling hard on her face instead as the wind died down.   
"Slayer." The voice was raspy and ancient standing she felt the wind blow her small sundress against her skin as she listened for the voice again.  
"Slayer." It was closer to her now, whipping around she stared face to face with the Slayer in front of her. The first Slayer's matted hair swirled around her face, the white war paint donning her features screamed in the glaring sunlight, as she looked Buffy up and down.  
"Darkness is the core of a Slayer," Gesturing to Buffy's dress with her weapon the Slayer began to circle. Buffy looked down at the white dress which she wore once more, like her hands it was coated with blood. Staring back up at the Slayer she noticed that she had stopped in front of her again, "It is only when one accepts who they are that they can fight the Darkness and the Light. That is a Slayer."  
"I only have eyes for you . " 


	7. MoonBeams: Face it

Part 7  
"Mm, nothing like a good onion flower to quell those blood cravings," the gray-eyed stranger looked at the woman beside him, "At least that's what I say. Science … may have some other answer." He smiled at her, holding out the onion delicacy, indicating with a look for her to try some. Shrugging, she picked up a petal of fried onion and popped it into her mouth. Her eyes lit up as she chewed the fried vegetable, her eyes looking down to the dish as she readied to grab another. He laughed, settling back into his chair as his eyes drifted from her to the other occupants of the club.   
The pulsing music throbbed against the air, filled with bodies that sweated and pulsed against one another, creating a primal scent that permeated their clothes and the atmosphere. She glanced him through thick eye lashes; her violet eyes watching the way his chest failed to rise and fall, his perceptive gaze that wandered the crowd restlessly as if searching, and the way his body tensed every time a blonde female walked by.   
"She's not here," her voice broke through his search, causing him to train his eyes back on his petite form, "I left her back at her apartment some time ago. Fast asleep."  
"Oh," his voice was dull as his shoulders relaxed into the back of his chair, the corners of his mouth dropping downwards every so slightly," What makes you think I was look for her?"  
She smiled again, "Few men, have managed to sit this long with me, and not have made a proposition by now."  
"Few, eh," he chuckled," I can see how that could happen. You're certainly a looker."  
She smiled again, noting the way his eyes traveled down her body appreciatively, "I don't need your reassurance, Spike. I know that's true. Besides, it's not me you want to bed."  
"No, luv," he met her eyes, "I don't suppose you are."  
"So," her voice dropped to a purr, "What are you going to do about it?"  
He pulled back, "Not a damn thing."  
She slumped, her fingernails scraping lightly against the metal of the table, "She won't survive without you."  
"And she will with me," he scoffed, sticking his hand in his pocket to pull out a few wadded bills, "Look, pet. She an' me aren't exactly friends. We don't like each other. We don't pretend to. Last time we saw each other I did the bloody worst thing I could 'ave to 'er. An' you want me to work with her? Are you out of your soddin' mind? It would only end in one of us, if not both, dead." He dropped the greasy bills on the tabletop before turning away and heading for the door.   
She followed behind him, her heels clicking against the concrete floor as her short red dress swished around her legs, " You're not enemies either."  
He turned to face her, leaning against the brick wall of the building, staring up into the empty sky, "'You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver … but you'll never be friends.' I was right then wasn't I?" He turned towards her, before stuffing a hand into the pocket of his duster and pulling out a thin cigarette and lighter.  
"In more ways than one," she leaned against the wall next to him. Watching as he flipped open the lighter and lit his cigarette, before dropping the lighter back into his coat and taking a long drag.  
"So, luv," he watched as the smoke floated up into the sky, "Why haven't you come down before?"  
She shrugged, "Never was this big a reason."  
He stood, straightening his clothes, "Guess I better go see the girl then?" She didn't answer, she merely smiled as he turned away and exited the alley.   



	8. MoonBeams: Confrontations

Part 8  
The knocking on her door was soft, barely perceptible to even her vampiric hearing. She looked up from her bed; her body huddled together under the covers, tear tracks marring her face. She stood without a second thought, wrapping the sheets around her body before picking up a thin stake. The knocking persisted as she neared and slowly opened the door.   
"You," she felt the stake drop from her hand as she opened the door wider, "What do you want?"  
"Cor, luv," his eyes traveled up and down her body, noticing her choice of apparel, "Is that any way to greet an' old friend? Although I must say … your choice of clothing is very nice."   
She blushed, her eyes narrowing, "I'll ask only one more time, Spike. What do you want?"  
He sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets and balling them into fists, "So that's how it's gotta be? Fine then, I'll get down to business. I had a little visit this night … from someone I think you know quite well."  
Her face softened, one hand beckoning him into her apartment as she closed the door behind him, "It wasn't Angel … was it?"  
He shook his head, watching as she sank to the couch," No. You mean he's here, and that you've," he took in her disheveled hair and obvious nudity, "seen him?"   
She nodded, staring blankly ahead, "Yes."  
"Christ, " he looked hard at her, "It's already started then. Your lucky your alive, luv." Her head dropped down as she stared at her shaking hands. Growling, he sank down beside her, "Buffy," he raised her chin with his hands, searching her eyes, "Did he hurt you? What happened?" She looked away, her body growing hard. He snarled, grabbing her arms to pull her forward, "You will answer me, Buffy. What. Happened."  
She growled; switching to game face she propelled him backwards. He was ready though and held her arms tighter, bringing her down on top of him, "What's it to you, Spike? Afraid someone else might have something that you left behind? Afraid that maybe every time you made me come … that I was thinking of him?" His faced switched back to human, his eyes darkening with every word as she leaned in closer to him, "Afraid I never loved you, Spikey boy?"  
He growled, flipping her so that she lay below him, "You can't lie to me, Slayer. I can feel you, luv," He lowered his mouth, pressing gentle kisses along her neck, before raising his mouth up to her earlobe and sucking gently at the tender skin, "I can smell you. You want me in ways that you've never wanted the poof … and you know it."  
She switched back to her human face, closing her eyes as his lips continued their journey until they were poised just above hers. She snapped them open them, swallowing hard, "Wanting … is entirely different from loving." He growled, letting his game face come to the fore before smashing his mouth to hers. His hands moved from her wrists to he head, wrapping his fingers in the stray tendrils of hair that framed her face. Her mouth opened slightly as she let out a smothered moan, her tongue meeting his as she arched her chest into him. Her hands latched onto his duster, pulling him closer as her legs parted.   
He pulled back then, his demonic features once again banished to the back of his psyche as he leaned off of her, relishing her disheveled hair and bruised lips … the way her chest rose and fell with each unneeded breath, "You'll always be mine, pet. Always."  
She looked at him sidewise, her lips parted, "Yea … I guess I will."  
He smiled at her, "In more ways than one."  
Her face grew dark and she stood, rewrapping the sheet around her before disappearing into the bedroom, "Unfortunately." She reappeared seconds later, clad in a long robe with ample blankets in her hands, "Here. These are for you. We'll talk tomorrow. But for now I need to rest."  
He nodded dumbly, accepting the covers as he moved towards the couch, "Thanks, luv."  
She turned away, before looking back at him as he settled himself for the day, "Oh and, Spike? We're still not okay."  



	9. Moonbeams: Possesion & New Beginnings

Part 9  
He leaned against the headboard, the red velvet sheets pooling around his lower body as he stared at the demon before him. She was beautiful, the First Evil crammed into the petite body of Jenny Calendar and he had conquered it. He had made it desire him. Smiling he rose from the bed and slipped on a pair of sweatpants, enjoying the way they swished as he moved around the dank apartment.   
"She saw us," her voice came from the folds of the covers. Turning he watched her rise, discarding the blanket as she leaned against the pillows, her large brown eyes following his movements as he leaned against the wall.   
"Impossible," he sneered, "There's no way she could've seen us. The bitch has no idea of what's going on."  
The First snorted, "She's aided."  
"Look," he snarled, marching over to the bed before hauling her naked body out of it roughly, "You've been a great lay and all … really I mean it. But - I don't see our relationship furthering so why don't you leave before I make you."  
She laughed. A rich baritone that darkened the corners of the room and sent shivers down his spine. Her eyes darkened from brown to black as she pushed him against the wall, pinning him there. Her small hand pressing his throat in, her voice becoming masculine and demonic all at once, "Fool. You think you own me?" With a disgusted laugh she hurled him to the other side of the apartment, not even flinching as his body cracked against the hard stonewall, "I am the First. Demons cower before me … and you … half breed - think you can own me?" She walked over to his inert form, sitting on top of him she banged his head into the ground, laughing as he winced, " I. Own. You."  
She sat back, letting him rise; his face contorted, "Now. I believe the issue is, what can you do for me?"  
***  
He stared up at the ceiling, tracing the cracks and textures of the plaster and paint, trying desperately not to think about the petite blonde that lay only a room away from him. Turning over uncomfortably, he closed his eyes, struggling to sleep on the small couch that smelled of her … and him. In fact, if he focused enough he could catch his faint scent all around the apartment. Shutting his eyes he fought to ignore the images that flashed through his mind. Her and him … together as they whispered tender words of love to each other. Words that she and him had also once whispered to each other. Growling slightly he shifted again, staring back up at the ceiling.   
"Couldn't sleep," her voice broke through the silence as she bit her lower lip, staring at his deceptively inert form.  
He turned to look at her, his eyes darkening as he took in her rumpled hair and thin robe, "No, pet. What about you? Catch a case of insomnia?"  
She walked towards him, sitting down on the remaining space of the couch, "Yea well. I've had trouble sleeping for a while now … say oh … three years."  
"Oh," he looked away, "Me too."   
She sighed, entwining her fingers with his as his eyes shot up to hers, "We need to talk."  
He nodded, "Yea, pet. We do."   



	10. MoonBeam: Of Memories and Coffee talks

Part 10  
Author's Note: Memories and "present" abound in this part. Written before the finale so yea … if I screw up on it then … yea.   
The dirt walls of the cavern shook, dirt falling to the ground as a bright light resounded through the atmosphere. Buffy fell, clutching her side as her blood poured to the ground. Behind her she felt cool arms grab her inert form as shrill screaming filled the air, "Dawn …"  
"Ssh, she's okay," the accented voice wrapped around her, his arms pressing her closer to him as her vision grew blurry.  
"Spike," her voice was hoarse as the world began dimming further. She could feel the vibrations of her friend's feet as they neared the couple, "Don't let me go."  
"Buffy," Willow's voice echoed through her reverie as he friend knelt beside her, trying to ease her out of Spike's arms as the Scoobies gathered around them. Xander's eyes were red while Dawn openly sobbed. She was aware of Anya frantically babbling while Tara wept silently and stroked Dawn's hair. And then there was Giles … his features hardened as he stared at her form and the blood the pooled around her body.   
"No," she moaned, clutching at Spike's duster, her eyes looking at him steadily, "Do it now."  
Realization flitted across the Scoobie's faces as the glanced from one another. Willow opened her mouth dumbly, "Buffy … no … you can't."  
"Do it," she murmured again, her eyes fading. With a growl he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her jugular before vamping and gently sliding his fangs into her neck as her blood flowed easily into his body. None of them moved to stop him. They all stared in horror as he pulled out, slitting his wrist with his teeth before pressing it to her throat and letting her swallow.   
He could taste her in his mouth. Coppery and sweet at the same time, rich and thick as it slid easily through his veins, replacing the blood that flowed just a smoothly down her throat into her fading body.   
***  
The coffee mug was growing cool between his hands. Beads of moisture dripping down the sides to land on the recesses of his hand before slipping into the narrow crack and tracing over lines, collecting in the tender curvature.   
"So," her voice broke through the silence, "How come your ship didn't go off?" He looked up at her, staring at the coffee cup between her hands, giving him nervous glances from underneath her eyelashes.   
He shrugged, "Probably because I wasn't trying to hurt you."  
She nodded, "I remember … that it didn't hurt."  
He looked straight at her. Taking in her pale skin and long blonde hair, her thin form and wide eyes, "I never wanted it to."  
"No," their eyes met from across the table," I guess you didn't."  
He shrugged again, watching as she looked back down, "That's not the problem though, is it, pet? Being a vampire … you wanted it …"  
"Yea," she twisted the mug in her hands, "I did. But I thought … I thought that after you made me you would … stay."  
"I did stay, luv," his voice was quiet, "Until you told me to leave."  
"It was just a fight, Spike, " her shoulders fell, "We always have fights."  
"Yea," he pulled out a cigarette, "But not like that one."  
***  
The picture hit the wall with a resounding shatter. Glass flew everywhere, scattering on the hardwood floor. Her chest heaved with unneeded breath as her eyes narrowed, "Fuck you, Spike."  
He snorted, turning around and reaching under the bed for the duffel bag he kept there, "You seem quite good at doing that, pet."  
"Don't call me that," she spat out, her eyes coming to rest on the duffel bag on the bed, "What are you doing?" He ignored her, walking to the closet and moving through the clothes to his side, "I said, 'What are you doing?'" He continued raking through the closet, pulling out shirts and pants, throwing them on the bed, "What the fuck are you doing?!"   
She grabbed him arm, twisting him around to reveal his tear-stained face, "What do you think I'm doing you stupid bint? I'm. Leaving. It's what you wanted isn't it?"   
She could feel the tears forming in her eyes as she stood quietly, watching him pack away the clothes on the bed before turning to the bureau and pulling out the rest of his belongings, "I. Hate. You."  
He stopped and turned to face her, tear tracks evident on his face, "Yea, got that and let me guess how it ends." He paused, eyes closing as he took in an unneeded breath, "And you never will because I'm not Angel? Isn't that right, Slayer? Because unlike you and the magnificent poof I'll always be the wild card. And you can't stand that. It scares you how much freedom I have. How I can be a vampire and not give a bloody damn." He threw the last of his things in his bag before exiting the bedroom door and heading down the stairs.   
He heard her behind him, swallowing the tears that threatened to spill at any moment, "Spike … We're not finished yet."  
"Oh, really," he turned to face her, grabbing up his car keys from the kitchen counter," Tell me, pet, what's left to say, hmm? Are you going to tell me that you never loved me? That every time you moaned and writhed under me you saw him in your head? Even when you were screaming my name … that all those smiles were a lie? Cause if that's it I don't need to 'ear it." She was silent, the tears openly streaming down her face as he looked at her. With a sigh he dropped the bag and key, coming over to her he put his hand under her chin, lifting her face so that she had to look at him, "Buffy …"   
He kissed her softly, savoring the taste of her wet lips as their tears mixed. He felt her loosen in his arms, leaning into him as she reciprocated slowly. He pulled away. Engraving her into his mind, "Don't let me let you go." He whispered it into the air that hung with tension, but she offered no response. Nodding he picked up his things and walked out the door.  
***  
"I never wanted to leave, pet," he grabbed her hand, caressing the cool flesh with his fingers, "It wasn't supposed to go down like that."  
"I know," she bit her lower lip, "I wish I had stopped you."  
He leaned back, "So do I."   
"After you left," she took the cigarette from his hands, "Nothing got better. I couldn't do it … without you. So I left."  
"Where'd you go, pet," he grabbed back the cigarette, putting it out in a nearby ash tray.  
She glared at him, "Around. Everywhere. I just came back three months ago"  
He arched his eyebrows, "Really, now? That's recent."  
"Yea," she took a drink of her coffee, "But I was too busy looking for you to care."  
"Really, now," the corners of his mouth turned up, "I fancied you'd spent your time with the great poof."  
She shook her head, stirring the hair around her shoulders, "Nope. The only time I saw him was last night." She said the last part in a whisper, once again returning her gaze to the brown liquid in her mug.   
"Buffy," his voice was gentle, "What happened?"  
She chewed on her lower lip, "We had sex."  
"Oh," he pulled back, eyeing her intently, "Well then."  
She looked up at him, reaching her hand out to touch his arm, "I don't love him Spike. It was just sex … there was no real feeling. I was just so - lonely."  
He looked up at her, their eyes meeting, "Are you still lonely, luv."  
She smiled, linking hands with him, "Not anymore."  



End file.
